O Meu Fado

There is only one way to release the pain of my soul
I must write for you my fado allowing myself to sing

I am not Portuguese yet in the presence of Lisboa is where I belong
The voice of the crying guitars is the only thing alive to bring me peace
even so, my heart is heavy

I have no right to love it as I do
I have no right to this country, this city that gives me breath
Still I hold it upon a pedistal, the one of my existence, and it
beholds all pieces of my being when I must leave it behind

Of all the loves that have been taken from my heart, this one I know
will never leave, for the loyalty to those
that give to it their true soul, is forever

I am not Portugal, I am not Lisboa,
yet my soul is an alley with no name,
it is barefoot varinas,
the waves of the sea,
even the prayer voiced on the knees of centuries from long ago

No I am not Portuguese, I grew up not on the streets of Mouraria
though the barrios of Lisboa hold captive all that I am, and the only way
to release the pain, is to sing my song for you

And this, is my Fado....

© Dawn Michelle, All rights reserved

Author notes

Written in Lisboa Porgtugal while sitting at a cafe in the barrio Alfama just before leaving to come back to Texas October 2009

Saudade (singular) or saudades (plural) (pronounced [sɐ.uˈdaðɨ] or [sawˈdaðɨ], is a Portuguese language word difficult to translate adequately, which describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return. Saudade has been described as a "vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist ... a turning towards the past or towards the future".[2] A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing. It may also be translated as a deep longing or yearning for something which does not exist or is unattainable. Saudade was once described as "the love that remains" or "the love that stays" after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone ( e.g., one's children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. In Portuguese, 'tenho saudades tuas', translated as 'I have saudades for you' means 'I miss you', but carries a much stronger tone. In fact, one ca