Emoulment

It has come,
desperation,
bringing with it the gall of despair,
and I am buried,
in deep trenches of thick pain,
covered with emolument defeat....

I cannot move,
this tar clings to all that I am
and for a moment
I do not want to be here
I do not want to live
yet, I will not die....

How long must I live this way,
hand to mouth to stay afloat,
begging for food, shelter, temporal needs...

This was not my dream, to be pauper
for though to others I appear desperate,
needy, and I assume,
troublesome,

I am a fighter honest and true,
my works is to be self reliant,
though my mistakes were foolish
school girl ideals,
thus the more that I fight,
the more I am buried
buried yet alive....

Cleave unto thy wife,
I expected he would take care of me
my prince,
I expected he would support me,
I expected to not have to be the man...

Honor they mother, I expected to be loved,
I expected to be recognized,
I expected to be aided if it were ever I in need,

Love they child as thy self,
I expected to not be cheated,
I expected not, manipulation....

And yet I must beg, as they move on with their desires
and here I sit abandoned and penniless...

I feel not sorry for myself, make no mistake
I will work and slave and fight
to the bitter end,
I will love them forever,
those that leave me behind,
I will not be selfish or cold,

Even so, will they visit me as I live under the bridge....

I have ever been at beck and call,
true and faithful,
to the best that ability allows,

But now, even right now, this very moment
my embarrassment and shame for alms I must seek
has broken me and I cry to my God...

Where is my rock like unto that I have always been,

wilt thou provide an escape from these holes of black,
wilt though make me triumphant,
that I might succeed over poverty,
and wilt thou Oh Lord heal me,
from this pain,
that I wish not to die,
that I be,
ever in the moment,
of living....

© Dixie Dawn Michelle. All rights reserved, August 29 2013